How to Manage Holidays When They Aren’t Merry
If we lived in a Hallmark movie, the holidays would be a lot easier to get through.
They’re not always joyful, warm, and filled with connection like the movies. In fact, for many people, it can feel overwhelming, triggering, or even lonely.
When you add family dynamics, old patterns, new relationships, travel stress, and the pressure to enjoy the joyous season, it’s no surprise that anxiety and emotional overload peak this time of year.
If you find yourself bracing for the holidays instead of looking forward to them, you’re not alone! You can get through this season with more ease, clarity, and compassion for yourself!
Set Grounded, Realistic Expectations
Not everything needs to go perfectly. Instead of setting yourself up with idealized expectations (aka the Hallmark movie), give yourself permission to have a real human experience. Holidays can be meaningful AND messy! Setting grounded expectations lowers stress and opens the door to genuine connection, not forced positivity.
Identify Your Emotional Triggers Before They Show Up
Ask yourself:
What typically drains me during the holidays?
Who do I feel tense around?
What topics bring up conflict or discomfort?
If you already know which family members, conversations, or situations activate your stress response, name them ahead of time. This helps reduce shame and increases your sense of control; awareness doesn’t eliminate triggers, but it allows you to prepare yourself rather than being caught off guard.
Create Boundaries You Can Actually Follow Through On
Healthy boundaries are not walls! They’re guidelines that help you stay emotionally safe. This might look like limiting how long you stay at a gathering, stepping outside when conversations get heated, avoiding certain topics (or even people), and keeping no as a complete sentence. Boundaries become easier when you remember that you’re NOT responsible for managing everyone else’s emotions or reactions; you’re responsible for YOURS.
Have a Regulating Ritual Ready
A simple, repeatable calming practice can make a huge difference.
Deep breaths in the bathroom
A quick walk outside or visit to your car
A calming phrase you can repeat to yourself
A sensory reset like holding something cold, focusing on a scent, or placing your feet firmly on the floor
Give Yourself Permission to Step Away
Leaving a room, a conversation, or even an entire event is not a failure, it’s a skill! If something becomes too intense, stepping away is a way of choosing emotional health over emotional chaos. You don’t have to perpetuate the cycles you’re used to. YOU can be the change.
Seek Connections That Feel Safe
You don’t have to navigate the holidays alone. Reach out to the people who feel grounding, supportive, and aligned with your values. A text, a short call, or a planned check-in can help you feel anchored. It’s the perfect time for connection and happiness!
Talk to A Therapist About Peace This Season
The holidays don’t require you to abandon yourself. By honoring your limits, preparing for emotional triggers, and choosing connection that feels safe, you can move through this time with more resilience and self-compassion. The therapists at Herr-Era are here to help you plan and take action for the holidays! You deserve a holiday season that supports your mental and emotional wellbeing!