Understanding Your Attachment Style
Attachment is more than just a buzzword, and understanding yours can really be the key to a healthier relationship.
Have you ever wondered why you seem to act or react a certain way in relationships?
Whether it's pulling away when things get too close or clinging tightly when you feel insecure, these behaviors might be clues about your attachment style.
Attachment Theory:
Attachment theory, developed by psychologist John Bowlby, explains that experiences we had with our caregivers early on are so powerful that they have shaped the way we connect with others later in life.
There are four main types of attachment styles, and most people present different attachment styles in different relationships. This means, while you may have a secure bond with your sibling, for example, you may feel anxious when it comes to your relationship with your partner.
The Types of Attachment Styles:
A secure attachment means you feel comfortable with closeness and trust. It’s easy to rely on others and allow others to rely on you. Distance and conflict don’t mean the end of a relationship to you, and similarly, closeness and trust don’t feel like a trap.
An anxious attachment style is when you crave closeness but often worry about being abandoned or not being good enough. This style often leads you to worry when your partner doesn’t show you “enough” affection, believing it may be catastrophic or mean something is wrong.
Avoidant attachment is when you often suppress your emotions, run from commitment, or avoid closeness with others. It can typically feel distressing or overwhelming when a person is emotionally close to you or asking for intimacy.
Less commonly, a disorganized attachment style or anxious/avoidant style, you may oscillate between wanting both closeness and fearing it, displaying both avoidance and anxiety. This is often a result of trauma or inconsistent caregiving.
Why Does Attachment Matter?
Understanding your attachment style can be a game-changer in therapy and relationships. It gives you insight into your triggers, communication patterns, and emotional needs.
And while we don’t have a say in what attachment style we developed and how our brains and bodies responded to the way we grew up, we do have a say in what we get to do now.
Your attachment styles can change! Through self-awareness, healthy relationships, and therapy, a secure attachment is more attainable.
Exploring your attachment style helps you build self-compassion and create healthier relationships.
You have the power to help yourself get better! And here at Herr-Era, we’re ready to help!