How to Forgive Others — And Ourselves

Have you been carrying something painful?

You’re probably ready to put it down — let go — but have found it so difficult to choose peace over pain, growth over resentment and anger.

Let’s explore forgiveness together.

Below, we’ll talk more about how to forgive others (and ourselves), why it matters for our mental health, and practical steps to begin this incredibly difficult journey:

Why Forgiveness Matters for Your Mental Health

Holding onto anger, shame, or regret can deeply affect our mental health. Studies have linked holding on to resentment with chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and even physical illness like high blood pressure. On the flip side, forgiveness can lead to lower levels of anxiety, improved self-esteem, and stronger relationships.

When we forgive, we’re not saying “it’s okay” that we were hurt. We’re saying, “I won’t let this control me anymore.”

How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You

1. Acknowledge the Pain
   It hurt, it happened, and you’re angry about it! Start by accepting what happened and how it made you feel. Denying or minimizing it only delays healing.

2. Try to Understand Their Perspective
   This may not always be possible, but there is always context - not an excuse - for why someone performed the way they did. This doesn’t mean agreeing with what they did. Instead, understanding someone’s context or perspective means recognizing that their actions may have come from their own wounds, ignorance, or limitations.

3. Set Boundaries
   Forgiveness doesn’t require continued contact. Sometimes, the healthiest choice is to forgive from a distance and protect your peace.

4. Release the Need for Apology or Justice
   Waiting for someone else to make it right can keep you stuck and unhappy forever. Forgiveness is about your freedom, not their behavior.

How to Forgive Yourself

1. Take Accountability Without Shame
   Owning our mistakes is important—but so is compassion. Guilt helps us grow; shame keeps us stuck. You’re not the same person you were before all of this happened. It’s okay to make mistakes! You’re only human! You have context too.

2. Speak to Yourself Like a Friend
   If someone you love made the same mistake, would you tell them they’re worthless and not worth forgiving? Probably not. Offer yourself the same grace and understanding you would to your loved ones.

3. Make Amends Where You Can
   Taking responsibility can include apologies or actions to repair harm—but don’t let perfectionism block your progress. You don’t need to have it all together to start over or to apologize.

4. Let Go of Perfection
   We’re all human. You’re allowed to make mistakes and still be worthy of love, healing, and forward movement.

Freeing Yourself With Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a process, not a one-time decision. Help is available at Herr-Era Mental Health, should you want to speak to a therapist about helping you find forgiveness in yourself and others or practice letting go of pain.

It may take time, tears, and effort—but each step is worth it. By choosing to forgive others and ourselves, we release emotional burdens that were never meant to be carried forever.

You deserve peace. You deserve healing. And it starts with letting go—one moment at a time.