Why Do College Students Feel Like Everyone Else Is Doing Better?

You walk into class, and everyone seems to understand the assignment except you. You open social media, and someone is announcing an internship, another person made the Dean’s List, and someone else somehow has time for school, work, friends, the gym, and a perfectly organized apartment.

Meanwhile, you’re staring at an overdue assignment thinking: “What am I doing wrong?”

And sometimes that feeling doesn’t disappear after graduation. You get the degree, start the career, and suddenly you’re comparing salaries, promotions, relationships, homes, or where you thought you’d be by now. So why does it seem like everyone else is doing better?

Your Brain Is Keeping Score

Psychologist Leon Festinger introduced Social Comparison Theory, which suggests that we naturally evaluate ourselves by comparing ourselves to other people. Comparison isn’t always harmful. Sometimes seeing someone succeed can motivate us. But problems can arise when comparison becomes the measure of our worth.

Research with college students has found that greater academic social comparison is associated with higher academic anxiety. Social media can make this even harder because we’re often comparing our everyday lives to carefully selected pieces of someone else’s. You’re comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel.

"If They’re Doing Better, I Must Be Falling Behind”

This is where comparison can become a cycle:

Notice someone else’s success → compare → feel inadequate → anxiety increases → doubt yourself → avoid or overwork → feel even further behind.

You might procrastinate on the assignment because you’re afraid you won’t do it well enough. You might stay up all night trying to prove you’re capable.

Or maybe you accomplish the goal and immediately move the finish line.

“Okay, I graduated…but they already have a better job.”

Research on the impostor phenomenon shows that even accomplished college and graduate students can struggle to internalize their success and may question whether they truly deserve their accomplishments.

Ways to Step Out of the Comparison Cycle

1. Check the Evidence

When you catch yourself thinking, “Everyone is doing better than me,” ask: Everyone? What evidence do I actually have? Anxiety often turns observations into conclusions. Try separating what you know from what you’re assuming.

2. Compare Yourself to Yourself

Instead of asking, “Where am I compared to them?” ask: "Where am I compared to six months ago?" Notice the classes you’ve completed, the difficult moments you’ve survived, the skills you’ve developed, or the ways you’ve grown that won’t appear on a résumé.

3. Get Curious About What Comparison Is Telling You

Sometimes jealousy, anxiety, or insecurity contains useful information. If someone’s internship triggers you, maybe career development matters to you. If seeing someone’s graduation announcement hurts, maybe you’re disappointed about your own timeline. Instead of judging the feeling, ask: "What is this comparison telling me that I want or need?”

Therapy Can Help You Rewrite the Scorecard

If comparison constantly leaves you anxious, inadequate, or afraid of failure, therapy can give you space to explore where your personal “scorecard” came from.

At Herr-Era, we help you can examine perfectionism, expectations, fear of failure, self-worth, and the belief that your life should follow a particular timeline. College and life after college aren’t a race where everyone starts at the same place and follows the same route.

Someone else’s progress doesn’t mean you’re failing. Sometimes you’re not behind.

You’re simply looking sideways so often that you’ve stopped noticing how far you’ve come.