Pride Month: Understanding The Ace Identity Spectrum

Asexuality is often misunderstood, even within conversations about LGBTQ+ identities. As I’m currently writing this, it’s 2026. We’ve made advancements in our inclusivity, terminology, and understanding of experiences.

Yet we’re still leaving some identities behind.

Many people assume that being asexual means the person dislikes relationships, avoids intimacy, or simply “hasn’t met the right person yet.”

But asexuality is a very real and valid sexual orientation characterized by experiencing little or no sexual attraction. Desire is typically not present. And like every identity, it exists on a spectrum that looks different from person to person.

Defining Asexuality

Some individuals who identify as asexual, or “ace,” may have no interest in sexual relationships at all.

Others may desire emotional closeness, romantic relationships, or even sexual activity for various reasons. The key is that asexuality is about attraction, not behavior.

An ace person may choose to date, marry, or have children, while another may not desire those experiences at all.

The ace spectrum also includes more specific identities, including - and not limited to - gray-asexuality, where someone experiences sexual attraction rarely or only under specific circumstances, and demisexuality, where attraction may develop only after a strong emotional connection is formed.

These identities can help people better understand themselves and feel less alone in their experiences. Sexuality is not a one-size fits all approach! The beautiful thing is that terminology is always expanding, and people are always understanding themselves further because of this.

Romantic Experiences

Asexual individuals can also experience romantic attraction in different ways. Some may identify as heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, or panromantic, while others may identify as aromantic, meaning they experience little or no romantic attraction.

Understanding the difference between sexual and romantic attraction can help create more inclusive and respectful conversations.

Trouble and Misunderstanding

Unfortunately, ace individuals are often invalidated or pathologized. They may be told they are “picky,” “emotionally unavailable,” “avoidant,” or experiencing a medical problem.

While some medical or mental health conditions can affect hormones and libido, asexuality itself is not a disorder and does not require treatment.

We know that everyone experiences attraction in different ways. So why do we assume and expect that ace people - and all people - will feel the same levels of attraction too?

This can create shame and confusion for ace individuals seeking support. This feeling of “other-ness” and like something is wrong that needs to be grown out of.

However, sex and attraction can be like any other part of a person’s interests! We as a society have glorified these experiences, made our world revolve around them. But if we replace sex and attraction with an interest in carpentry - for example - it wouldn’t be strange for a person to not have an interest or connection to carpentry, right? Or what if a person didn’t want to consider carpentry as the lens for all of their relationships and how they see the world?

It seems like a silly example, I know.

But being on the ace spectrum can feel very isolating because of this. We as a society have accepted the concept that sex sells, and that attraction runs the world. This is likely what makes it difficult for people to understand what it feels like to be ace.

It’s also unique to other identities in that it’s difficult to understand the absence of attraction, while most other sexualities are marked by the presence of attraction.

A Time to Celebrate

Pride Month is an opportunity to recognize the diversity within the LGBTQ+ community, including identities that are often overlooked or misunderstood.

Asexual people deserve visibility, respect, and affirming care. At Herr-Era, we’re dedicated to helping every part of you thrive and be celebrated!

Let’s work together on creating a more compassionate and inclusive world.